FAMILY 04 - POLYGAMY
Foundations in Genesis
- Gen 2:18-25 God explicitly creates a monogamy. This is his model, standard, ideal
- Gen 1:31 God’s verdict on creating humans, gender & monogamy: very good
An Old Testament history of Polygamy
- The Bible describes the reality of polygamy and has ‘damage limitation’ laws on polygamy. The Bible doesn’t show a single happy and peaceful polygamy.
- By tendency the more godly people are more monogamous
Gen 4:19-24 1st polygamy recorded, parallel revengefulness
“Lamech took two wives, the name of the one was Adah, and the name of the other Zillah, … 23 Lamech said to his wives: “Adah and Zillah, hear my voice; you wives of Lamech, listen to what I say: I have killed a man for wounding me, a young man for striking me. 24 If Cain is avenged sevenfold, truly Lamech seventy-sevenfold.”
- Lamech is 6th generation from Adam through Cain. He is characterized by his revengefulness & escalation of violence, and pride in it.
- Is there a link between his polygamy and the violence … Lack of self-control? Self-promotion? Self-centeredness? Desire to dominate? Not valuing life?
- Polygamy could be called a form of violence.
Gen 6:2, 5, 11 One reasons for the judgement of flood: sexual wilfulness, polygamy
“They took wives for themselves of all that they chose … every inclination of the thoughts and their hearts was only evil continually … corrupt, filled with violence”
Gen 7:6, 9:1 Ark: 4 monogamous couples are saved
Gen 7:9-10 Everything taken into the ark is ‘two by two’
Gen 9:1 God gives 4 monogamous couples the original mandate (Gen 1:28)
Gen 11:29 God calls a monogamous couple, even though childless no 2nd wife
Gen 16:3 Sarah tells Abraham to take 2nd wife. In Gal 4:21-5:1 this is called ‘by the flesh’, misguided effort, on which God’s promise doesn’t rest
Gen 17:18-19 God will not bring his promise, calling, Messianic through a 2nd wife
”O that Ishmael might live in your sight! God said: No, but your wife Sarah shall bear you a son … I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant”
Gen 21:21, 25:13 unclear whether Ishmael was monogamous, has at least 13 children
Gen 24 One wife for the son of promise Isaac
Gen 25:1-6 Only after Sarah’s death & Hagar’s dismissal Abraham marries again
Gen 26:34, 28:9 Esau’s Hittite polygamy brings unpeace Later he takes a 3rd wife
Gen 29 Jacob tricked into polygamy by Uncle Laban’s deceitfulness
Gen 30 Leah & Rachel’s competition & child-war leads to 2 more concubines
Gen 35:22 Ruben commits adultery with Abraham’s concubine Bilhah
Gen 38:2, 16 Judah marries a Canaanite & visits prostitutes
Gen 41:45 Joseph has one Egyptian wife … Pattern: godly people = monogamy
Exo 2, Num 12:1 Moses’ 1st wife Zipporah, 2nd Cushite woman (as widower?)
Exo 21:10 Law of Moses: Rights of 1st wife maintained: “If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish the food, clothing, or marital rights of the first wife.”
Deu 17:17 Law of Moses: future king is not to have too many wives
Deu 21:15-17 Law of Moses: in polygamy secure inheritance rights of the first born
Jud 8:30-32, 9 Gideon’s polygamy yields 70 sons. One son Abimelech usurps power, establishes a monarchy, assassinates all but one of his brothers, precipitates a civil war.
1 Sam 1:1-11 a look inside a polygamy: Samuel’s parents Elkanah & Hannah
“Elkanah … had two wives, the name of the one was Hannah, and the name of the other Peninnah. Peninnah had children, but Hanna had no children. … but to Hannah he gave a double portion, because he loved her, though the LORD had closed her womb. Her rival used to provoke her severely, to irritate her … Hannah wept and would not eat. Her husband Elkanah said to her, “Hannah, why do you weep? Why do you not eat? Why is your heart sad? Am I not more to you than ten sons?” … She was deeply distressed and prayed to the LORD and wept bitterly. She made this vow: “O LORD of hosts, if only you will look on the misery off your servant”
- A godly woman in a polygamy, with a godly husband who loves her and treats her fairly, and still it is misery. Elkanah for all his godliness cannot prevent Peninnah from provoking and irritating Hannah.
- Elkanah’s “Am I not more to you than ten sons?” would be be helpful, if they were a monogamous couple who shared together the burden of childlessness. But with him dandling a child of his on his knee, to say this – though well meant – is cruel. Hannah is isolated and alone in bearing childlessness.
2 Sam 3:7 Saul’s polygamy
2 Sam 3:2-5, 5:13-16 David’s polygamy
- Michal (given to another man, then reclaimed)
- Ahinoam of Jezreel (> 1st born Amnon)
- Abigail (widow of Nabal) > 2nd born Chileab
- Maacah of Geshur > 3rd born Absalom
- Haggith > 4th born Adonijah
- Abital > 5th born Shephatiah
- Eglah > 6th born Ithream,
- more wives & concubines, among them Bathsheba > another 11 sons, among them Solomon.
- Total 17+ sons, total of probably 20-30++ wives and concubines
2 Sam 11 polygamy in no way prevents David’s adultery, rather the opposite
2 Sam 15:16 when fleeing from Absalom he takes all his household, except 10 concubines. Obviously ten concubines are easily spared.
2 Sam 16:22, 20:3 David maintains the ten abused concubines, but puts them away
2 Sam 13-15, 1 Kin 1-2 David’s polygamy > family conflicts, intrigue, rape, murder
- Amnon rapes his half-sister Tamar, David doesn’t judge it
- Absalon murders Amnon in revenge and flees
- Absalon brought back by Joab but no resolution
- Absalon’s rebellion, usurpation of kingship and death
- Adonijah’s usurping of the throne
1 Kin 11:1-6 The ‘wisest’ king of Israel is undone by polygamy
“King Solomon love many foreign women along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women, 2 from the nations concerning which the LORD has said to the Israelites, “You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you; for they will surely incline your heart to follow their gods; Solomon clung to these in love. 3 Among his wives were seven hundred princesses and three hundred concubines …4 when Solomon was old, his wives turned away his heart after other gods … 5 Solomon followed Astarte, the goddess of the Sidonians, and Milcom the abomination of the Ammonites … 6 So Solomon did what was evil in the sight of the LORD, and did not completely follow the LORD, as his father David has done..”
- Solomon breaks all the commands in Deu 17:14-21: not too many wives, horses, too much wealth, too much honor.
- He must have had hundreds of children, he can seriously look after maybe 10 to 20. > Care, personal teaching, discipling and fellowship times are probably rare.
- In reality the idolatrous, scheming wives will raise the future king & princes of Israel. Rehoboam’s mother is Naamah the Ammonite 1 Kin 14:21.
- First prohibition of polygamy found in the Qumran scrolls by Qumran exegets (around 200-50 BC). They discouraged marriage in general, though.
Limiting damage in the Law
Deu 21:15-17 Polygamy: Rights of the first born son
“If a man has two wives, one of them loved and the other disliked, and if both the loved and the disliked have borne him sons, the first born being the son of the one who is dislike, 16 then on the day when he wills his possessions to his sons, he is not permitted to treat the son of the loved as the first born in preference to the son of the disliked, who is the first born. 17 He must acknowledge as first born the son of the one who is disliked, giving him a double portion of all that he has; since he is the first issue of his virility, the right of the first born is his.”
- Even if polygamy and favoritism, basic rights must be maintained for the first born.
Exo 21:10 Polygamy: Rights of the 1st wife / slave marriage
“If he takes another wife to himself, he shall not diminish the food, clothing, or marital rights of the first wife. 11 And if he does not do these three things for her, she shall go out without debt, without payment of money.”
- There are rights within family, within polygamy, even if the wife was a slave.
- Husbands responsibility to feed his wife, several wives, slave wife, clothe her and grant her full marital rights … polygamy is not forbidden, but responsibility for provision & marital rights is upheld.
- There is such a thing as marital rights, even for slave women, therefore definitely also for free women.
- If he refuses her these right, he must let her go as a free person and has no financial claims on her (repayment of debt, manumission, expenses carried).
New Testament on monogamy
Mth 1:18-25 Jesus is born into a monogamy
NT not a single polygamy among apostles or church leaders mentioned
1 Cor 9:5 apostles accompanied by their wife
Tit 1:5-6, 1 Tim 3:2 Church standard & model: monogamous leaders
“Appoint elders in every town … 6 someone who is blameless, married only once (husband of one wife), whose children are believers, not accused of debauchery and not rebellious”. … “Now a bishop must be above reproach, married only once (the husband of one wife), temperate, sensible, respectable ..”
- Though polygamy is not initially strictly outlawed, the direction the church wants to go is clearly monogamy.
1 Cor 7:17-24 “Let each of you remain in the condition in which you were called”
- This could also be referring to polygamous new believers: don’t abandon wives (injustice towards them), neither take any new ones. Polygamy as remainder of the life before, but not as goal. Gradual change is needed.
1 Cor 7:2 own husband, own wife
“But because of cases of sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and teach woman her own husband.”
- This is not making marriage mandatory, but affirming marriage and monogamy.
- As all through Corinthians 7, instructions are absolutely parallel for both genders.
- This verse became foundational to the church, and to the Christian societies.
- Exception in the West: Mormons
Why Polygamy robs everyone
Ecc 7:26-28 not one good woman among 1000
“I found more bitter than death the woman who is a trap, whose heart is snared and nets, whose hands are fetter; one who pleases God escapes her, but the sinner is taken by her. … One man among a thousand I found, but a woman among all these I have not found.”
- Solomon calls the woman bitter … his lasting, final taste of polygamy is deep bitterness, not pleasure, mutuality, fellowship or camaraderie.
- Solomon’s picture of women is that they are a trap, ensnaring, fettering, scheming, manipulating, deceiving, tiring. Polygamy reduces women to become like this, having no continual access to her husbands for anything she or her children need, she will have to ‘get it all’ the one time she does see him, in bed most likely.
- Solomon’s distorted picture of women is a fruit of his polygamy: He has no respect, no understanding, no pity, no acknowledgement of their rights, no sense of the appropriateness of their needs nor of the impossible situation they are forced into by polygamy
- Polygamy definitely deprives women, but is also cheats men out of true friendship, partnership, trust, mutuality, camaraderie, help with decisions … Also men are cheated out of real quality relationships … ending up alone, mistrustful and finding soul partners among friends or relatives, but not own wives.
- Polygamy reduces a wife’s role to ‘sexual services’, to (hopefully) fertile soil, as it is postulated in the Islamic writings: Husband sowing seeds in his garden.
- Polygamy allows for complete escape of conflict, avoidance, taking away the woman’s voice and weight, puts women in a very weak position
- Polygamy’s fruit is poverty, extreme procreation, economic distress … neglected wives and abandoned, uneducated children
- The widespread biblical metaphor of God as husband and Israel as unfaithful wife (Hosea, …) presupposes monogamy. Polygamy would mean that God has to compete with other gods for Israel’s favor
- Polygamy is not forbidden in the law. Why? It would have been possible, but law cannot address or change the heart. Polygamy was legal in the OT, though whether it was ever moral, is a different question. In societies influenced by Christianity polygamy is now also illegal.
- Polygamy diminishes or destroys family life, quality of relationships and good modelling / pass down to the children > it cannot be the will of God.
Song of Solomon 8:12 taunting?
“My vineyard, my very own, is for myself; you, O Solomon, may have the thousand, …”
- It is unclear whether Song of Solomon was written by Solomon or to him, in the 2nd case this may be a taunt against the ‘all over the place’ Solomon
Conclusions
- Polygamy is better than adultery or fornication … because it is at least a public, legal, committed, responsible relationship
- Polygamy is not condemned or forbidden, but also never spoken of with approval, rather realistically described and the likely abuses are addressed (protection of first wife, protection of rights of firstborn).
- What is the problem with polygamy?
- > uneven … different standard for man and woman
- > continual competition, comparison where it should have never been
- > much control, power in the hand of the husband
- > prevents mutuality and depth of relationship > cheats men also
- David Hamilton Satan destroys women by shame and men by pride
- Whole Bible not one example of a peaceful, happy, fulfilling polygamy
- Jesus corrects “Have you not read that the one who made them at the beginning ‘made them male and female’?… …Though the context is divorce, still Jesus’ approach to the question is interesting; He goes back to the original, back to Gen 1-2. They are squeezing the law for concessions, Jesus takes them to the real heart and will of God. That applies to polygamy just as well as to divorce.
- What religions allow or practice polygamy? Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Jews, Mormons … basically all except Christianity.
- Vishal Mangalwadi: “The single most protective institution for women in the world is Monogamy.”
- Evaluate a religion by how it treats the weak and vulnerable: women, poor, disabled, outcast.
- The birth rate of boys to girls is almost exactly 50:50, though the survival rate depends on the country. Polygamy could be called a ‘statistical luxury’ or ‘unsustainable’.
- Another aspect of polygamy is a typically ‘overdrawn’ fertility rate and a gender ratio inbalance concerning marriage.
Current Polygamy map
- The polygamy map highly correlates with poverty
